Washington-In an attempt to solidify her ‘ramrod run” to the 2008 presidency, Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton today announced her new new “CMDR” initiative that will change the way the average person lives in today’sworld.
The spokesperson for the Clinton campaign was very vague regarding exactly what”CMDR” stands for, stating that they needed today to work out details before unveiling the full plan.
However,A CNN investigative reporter was able to obtain a copy of the confidential “CMDR Initiative Action Plan.” You will only see it here onCNN!
For security and legal reasons, we cannot post the report on our site but now forthe first time, readers can see the main CMDR points prior to the plan’s implementation.
We have learned that CMDR stands for “Certificate of Minimum Dating Requirements.”
We have also learned that this initiative is being pushed through in emergency session to address what has become an “epidemic” of guys who have no job or visible means of support showing up for dates with girls by bus or bicycle.
This plan will substantially increase used car sales and relieve a strain on public transportation and the pretentiousness of dating in general – something all parties feel is the breaking point.
The key element of this new legislation will be the formation of a national CMDR database. Inclusion in the database will be strictly voluntary. Inorder to get in the CMDR Database, a guy or girl will have to do the following:
Provide the database administrator with a current address, not a P.O. Box.
Allow the database administrator to do a registered sex offender check.
Provide the database administrator with a current title to a vehicle at least equivalent to minimum buy-in BMW.
Provide the database administrator with two current pay stubs evidencing a salary of at least $50K per year.
Provide documentation that you are not married and do not live with your parents.
To be in the database, you agree to update this information every three months. This information will be encoded into the driver’s license of all those who participate in the database. The database will charge a fee of $20per month. This fee will provide areader capable of reading the encoding on the driver’s license.
We have learned it will work as follows:
Let’s say a girl meets a guy she likes. She has the legal right to ask if thatguy is in the CMDR Database. If he isn’t, the girl can assume that he probably does not own a car or takes the bus to pick up dates, is unemployed and may be a registeredsex offender.
If the guy is in the database, the girl may scan his driver’s license through thereader and the display will show what kind of car he drives, his sex offender status, and how much he makes per year. She may then make an intelligent decision on whether to go on a date with him.
Both Republicans and Democrats feel this new initiativewill force complete losers who show up for their dates on bikes and buses to gobuy a car. It is also felt that this will drastically reduce the number ofperverts and $30K a year millionaires asking out unsuspecting women.
If you live in an enumerated “major city” and do not own a vehicle you may apply for a “Big Apple Exemption”
In order to encourage inclusion in the new CMDR Database, it was announced that the first 1,000 people will get a free “No Deadbeats” credit check!
When confronted with the leaked version of the inititative the Hillary Clinton responded with thefollowing statement:
“. Most females agreed with the bedrock conservative premise that, dating toothless unemployed losers without cars andwho live with their mommies and daddies was a major problem in today’s societyand action needed to be taken. “
““Taking your dateto McDonalds by bus or bicycle is not the answer to our problems – it is the problem.””
“I believe that as a movement, we have veered off course into the dangerous and uncharted watersof settling for the hot bodied pool boy with the bus pass versus sacrificing some looks for the comfort and security of a guy holding aCMDR.”.
Senator Clinton was also quoted as saying “better a hunchback with a Beemer than a poolboy with a bus pass. It worked for me….. “
Senator John Kerry when asked about the CMDR initative admitted that he was the model for the 30k a year millionaire scam and still lived with his parents. He however was defiantly unapologetic.
